Okay, so it's still quiet in the house this morning and I love this time of day because it's when I can think and plan and get things worked out in my head. For me, I have to have things set out in my brain before I can ever get anything moving on the outside. This may be part of the reason I get so little done at times...having little or no time to think leaves me with a blank brain and that means I'm lost as to getting anything done.
At General Conference this past month Elder Bednar gave the most amazing talk. I know it's not the one most people have been talking about from Conference but I can honestly say that his talk has changed our home. Jordan and I have been sort of disconnected for a while, no big secret there. This summer was a particularly rough one in our lives. Jordan's illness, exploded into an ongoing fight this summer. We couldn't decide what to have for dinner it seemed like without a power struggle and a few threats of violence. His new found strength, thanks to the football summer strength program, made this even harder to deal with because I found myself at a loss as to how I was going to deal with this if it kept escalating. He's stronger than I am already and until we got his medication changed he was in a constant rage over nothing.
Now that things are under control with his emotions we have needed to patch up our "relationship" because it really was being damaged through all of this. It was just a question of how we could do it. I suggested that we attend family therapy, in addition to his regular therapy, but that never did come about. So, things went along tense but calm until General Conference.
Elder Bednar spoke of being "More Diligent and Concerned at Home"....how right on the nose was that? I heard the talk during Conf. Then immediately looked it up on the Internet...it's amazing how fast they have it available to listen to on there. I listened to it again that Saturday. I played it for Jordan and it was like a light had turned on in our lives. I knew immediately what we had to do and how to chance the course of our home. Monday morning, before Jordan left for school I stopped him at the door and asked that we begin our day the way missionaries do by not leaving the house before we have prayer together. He agreed and after our prayer I asked him the BIG QUESTION!!!
Could I have ONE hug! Just one in the mornings before he leaves for the day and I wouldn't ask him for anything more. This is a big deal with Jordan because he doesn't like to touch people. He especially doesn't like to hug people. I would add that maybe he especially doesn't like to hug ME...but that's just because he's 14, no other reason. But honestly he has a pretty strong aversion to touching people...he will sniff them, but doesn't really want to touch them...that's a WHOLE OTHER POST!!
Anyway, he did it. He gave me a hug. It wasn't the best. In fact it was almost painful...I KNOW it was painful for him I could tell that for sure. It was hard for him, but he did it. And every day since then he's stopped long enough for prayer and a hug. The hugs have gotten more natural. The prayers have gained meaning. The mood in our home has changed. Power struggles are still exist, but they are less frequent and less volatile.
It's habit now. It's what we do now. We stop long enough to pray and hug and have even added the "I love you" that we both need. It's been nice. It's been a habit worth developing!! Thanks Elder Bednar.....